What is the Difference between Biological Mother and Adoptive Mother? We recognize that not all mother-child relationships are the same, particularly in the context of adoption. Today, we will explore the distinctions between biological and adoptive mothers and how both types of mothers establish relationships with their children. Being pregnant, giving birth, and raising a child are challenging responsibilities for any mother, whether she gave birth or adopted her child. Nonetheless, both types of mothers deserve recognition and celebration.
Difference Between a Biological Mother and Adoptive Mother
You take a pregnancy test and receive a positive result. Now, you’re considering options for an unplanned pregnancy. This surprising news makes you ask yourself, “Is adoption the best decision for me?” You may be considering adoption but have not made a decision yet, or you may already be in the adoption process. What do you call yourself now? An expectant mother or a birth mother? What’s the difference? Does it matter?
You will always be your child’s biological mother, but being an expectant mother or a birth mother are different terms and are significant for clarification. It lets people know whether you are planning to be a mother or if you are simply the person who gave birth to your child. The different terms will help people understand your situation and your decision on adoption. It eliminates confusion, and knowing the correct terms to refer to yourself will help a lot with the adoption process.
Understanding the difference between an expectant mother and a birth mother is crucial in the adoption process. Keeping the terminology straight will help adoption professionals handle transitions more smoothly, and each term should be used correctly. It means a lot to know how to refer to yourself while speaking with others. It will help everything run as smoothly as possible.
Biological Mother vs Adoptive Mother Relationship
Realizing that another family can provide your child with the life you desire for them is a decision that may take time. However, once you have decided on open adoption, know that this is a loving sacrifice that requires strength and empathy. As a biological parent, you are helping a loving family become parents, and they will cherish you and your child for a lifetime. There are important things to keep in mind as you look ahead to what the birth mother and adoptive mother relationship will be like.
Choosing adoption means giving your child a loving family to be raised in. However, if you choose to do so, they can also become like your own family. New parents who choose to be part of an open adoption believe that you should be in their lives. You have a story, your child has a story, and they need to know what it is. And as the birth mother, you will have a unique bond with the adoptive mother.
Taking time to nurture and grow that relationship will build trust and help keep communication open as the child has questions as they grow older. Adoptive mothers love their children as their own. That means she will be an advocate for your child, a trusted friend, and a supportive person for the rest of their life. She is in this for the long haul no matter what. That is a gift. Remember that as you spend time getting to know her. Treasure the incredible gift she has given you and your child: her heart.
You choose Life
As you plan to place your child with their new adoptive family, remember that you are not abandoning your child. You are not “giving up” your child. Rather, you have chosen life and the family you believed was best for your little one as they grow.
Even though you will not be the primary parent raising your child, you will still be able to form a relationship. By choosing life for your child with a loving family, you are allowing yourself to build a relationship not only with your child but also with the adoptive mother and father.
Building a strong relationship with your child’s adoptive mother does not come with an instruction manual. It will take patience to build your relationship and it will take flexibility as well. It is especially important to remember that both of you want what is best for your child in the years to come.
What is a birth mother?
A biological mother is a woman who is genetically related to the child and has given birth to the child. Often, a woman may choose to proceed with the adoption process, and in this case, she will be referred to as the birth mother. This can also provide a clear distinction for the child as they grow up and come to know their biological mother. Even if a woman chooses to have no parental responsibility towards the child, she would still be considered the birth mother.
What is an Adoptive Mother?
An adoptive mother is a woman who adopts a child and is not the child’s biological mother. This distinction is often only necessary for legal purposes or if someone is trying to understand the child’s adoption story. However, it is common for a woman who takes on a child to simply be referred to as the child’s mother, without emphasis on the fact that they were adopted.
What Makes Adoptive Parenting Different From Parenting a Biological Child?
When a child is born, little is known about the new addition to the family. As the child grows, some of the most interesting moments revolve around new developments and the growth of the child’s personality. “Does that smile look like Daddy or Mummy?” “That attitude comes from your grandfather.” “You have your grandmother’s talent for baking.” Arguments arise over which attributes are due to nature or nurture. So it is with individuals who enter a family through adoption. Some traits are known and as obvious as looking in a mirror. But for many adoptees, essential facts about their lives remain unknown. Medical records, family history, even small curiosities about the origin of a particular facial feature or trait – nature or nurture? This is the difference between adoptive and biological parenting of children.
What Adoptive Mother Miss?
Adoptive mothers in the UK do not experience the joys and pains of pregnancy and childbirth. They do not have visual proof of impending motherhood. Adoptive mothers miss out on the wonder of seeing a tiny foot or head or buttocks causing ripples across the belly. They cannot indulge in the favorite game of pregnant parents, playing “Guess the Trait.” “Whose nose will she have?” or “Will he get grandma’s big feet?” They may not get to breastfeed exclusively. The cost of adoption, while often similar to the cost of giving birth, is paid for by the adoptive parents instead of insurance. And then, there is the anxiety over the unknown prenatal exposures, genetic conditions, and emotional state of the birth mother, endlessly.
Different Types of Biological Mother vs Adoptive Mother
There are numerous generalizations surrounding what motivates a woman to become a birth mother. However, there is no accurate picture of a birth mother because each mother is unique. There are various circumstances in which a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy could find herself before deciding to place her child up for adoption.
The Married Birth Mother
It is certainly possible for pregnant married women to opt for adoption. In some instances, the birth father may be supportive, while in others, not so much. I have encountered women who were married when they chose to put their child up for adoption and who now have a great open adoption relationship with their child and spouse.
The Woman Who Has a Relationship with Her Child
After adoption, many women nowadays choose an open adoption with their children. In an open adoption, a birth mother has direct contact with her children after placement while they are growing up. It is an amazing experience for any woman to have.
There are countless types of birth mothers, so what should we consider when we think of a “birth mother“? Whatever you do, do not make assumptions about how a birth mother feels about her adoption. Let her be the one to tell you how she feels and allow her to express those feelings freely and without judgment.
When you talk about birth mothers in general to others, do not make assumptions and revert to cultural stereotypes. Regardless of what our circumstances are, birth mothers share one thing in common that we can all attest to being true: we love the child we choose adoption for.
The Teen Birth Mother
The young women who become pregnant at a young age are often criticized for being too immature and “should have known better.” While this may be true in some cases, we cannot generalize and assume that all teenage pregnancies are the result of poor judgment. Many young women facing unplanned pregnancies were actively trying to avoid pregnancy, and some are even still with their partners ten years later.
While adoption should always be a decision made by the birth mother, this may not always be the case with younger mothers. If you are a minor, it is important to be aware of your state’s consent laws regarding making an adoption decision for your child.
The Balanced Adoptive Mother
Adoptive mothers in the UK are supportive of their child’s interests and abilities, and they recognize and encourage their child’s racial or cultural identity. They also take cues from their child when discussing difficult issues and openly talk about adoption and birth parent roles.
They understand that they can explore these roles openly without risking their relationships with family members. Children with adoptive mothers in the UK often develop areas of strength and can initiate conversations about adoption.
Adoptive mothers in the UK understand that a birth parent’s decision to place their child for adoption was not about them. They can acknowledge and accept that while adoption involves grief and loss, there are many positive attributes to it.
Blaming Adoptive Parents
The adoptive mother may not fully comprehend the impact adoption can have on her family. In many cases, she may overemphasize the importance of her child’s adoptive status, especially when issues arise. The adoptive mother’s expectations versus realities may conflict. She may need to pay more attention to the importance of pre-adoption education.
She may mistakenly believe that her child’s issues are caused by their birth parents. Adoptive mothers may downplay natural abilities or interests if they conflict with their own. An adoptive mother may take credit for her child meeting her expectations but blame others or adoption for their shortcomings.
Children who blame their adoptive parents are often scared and reluctant to discuss adoption. They may have attachment or social problems, be uncertain, or blame themselves for being put up for adoption.